I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Randomize
