dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
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I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
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This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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