There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
