I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
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