is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
