every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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