Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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