I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
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This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
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I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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