Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
