I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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