At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
