I can text with my tongue
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
