some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
