why im i the only drunk person in the library?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
