drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
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new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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