We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
is that a dick in a sweater?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
