I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
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dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
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I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
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