At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
