I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
