it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
