My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
