So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
