We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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