First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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