I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Only a mothe r could love this liver
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
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