if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
