if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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