Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
