woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize
