Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Your penis caused this!
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
