there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
