Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
