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How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize