I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
