So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
