i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
