I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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