i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
