Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
