Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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