Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
