So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
