if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
someone owes me an orgasm
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
