I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
