I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
