I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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