so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
