what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
