i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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