I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
