My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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