dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
