and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
