There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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