She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
