Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
