Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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