oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
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