I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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