woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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