took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I want her autograph on my taint
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
