im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
