You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
