So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
