i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
