I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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