Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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