forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
