AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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