whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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