I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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