The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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