I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
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